You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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