so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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