I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
