I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
