Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
