omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
