The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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