i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
