You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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