He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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