I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
