he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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