she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
