Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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