First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
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I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
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Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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