When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
