last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
