this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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