Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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