what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
