shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
