well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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