Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
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I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just gargled with NyQuil
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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