I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
