i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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