What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
