So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
