New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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