I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
