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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize