I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
