Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
