well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
