He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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