I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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