So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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