nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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