im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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