Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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