Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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