If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize