it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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