During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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