I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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