I am puke
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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