the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize