i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My ass is underappreciated
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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