Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
