if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sober January is a disaster.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
