I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
