He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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