just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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