Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
