I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm too high and old for this...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
