Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
