He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
