you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
