I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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