porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
