Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I need moral support for this bender
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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