dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Blood and glitter go together right?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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