It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
