i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
