oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
