So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Houston, we have a squirter
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
