yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
